main | older |cast | profile | book | notes | e-mail | host | vivalicious.design

"Let there be snark on Earth, and let it begin with me." -Pandionna




cat


Rantus Interruptus

[Saturday, Dec. 13, 2008: 8:00 p.m.]


ATTENTION:

There's still time to ring-and-run over at casa-rosie... it's her *mumble-mmmmph* birthday! Go on, leave her some comment love! All your friends are doing it. Not to mention I damn well told you to do it, besides! >:)

.
.
.
.
.

Have you ever heard the saying "After three days, fish and family start to stink"?

Well, after thirty-plus days, it also bloats. Flies start to swarm the carcass, leaving their eggs behind like some sort of diner tip. You know what comes next.

Living with The Velociraptor has been An Experience, to say the very least. Bear in mind, my past exposure to 'people of a certain generation' was infrequent at best. Nowadays, I rather fancy myself a burgeoning authority on the subject. Which, you should respect, dammit. Much like your Elders.

Of course, you can't spell 'respect' without 'spectre'. If you hadn't already noticed, elderly people are a tad ghostly. They are! To be fair, you also can't spell 'respect'
without 'sceptre'. Which I happen to wield hold around these parts. So there you have it.

Lest anyone come away with the notion that I think "AARP" stands for "Ancients Aren't Really People", allow me to (dis)abuse you: I know they ARE, okay? Excuuuuuse me, for merely add a silent "...but not for much longer..." to it. OH, come on! It's the truth!

It's that very knowledge, which allows me to muster the modicum of patience I valiantly maintain with The Velociraptor. Else, Time wouldn't be the only thing marching across her face wearing jackboots. THAT, from the person in the family who likes her the MOST. (Your Honor, the prosecution rests.)

Here's a small example of That With Which I Deal:

The Velociraptor: "Serrr-eeeeeee-naaaaaaa!!!"

Yours Truly, deafened: "Yes, Gram??"

The Velociraptor: "When you have the time [Editor's note: Remember. this. phrase. Reference=Future.], could you come down and take this Lidoc@ine patch off my shoulderblade?"

Yours Truly, innocently: "Sure, Gram. I'll do it right now."

The Velociraptor: "Oh, there's no rush!! Whenever you happen to be coming downstairs anyway. No need to make a special trip."

Yours Truly, already behind Her Royal Deafness: "Present and accounted for. Uhm- you're going to need lift your nightgown and robe, Gram. They're too close to your neck to reach down that way."

Audio voice-over, in urgent tones:

The Velociraptor liiiiiiiiiifts the hems of it's garments uppppppppppp off the floor... WHEN SUDDENLY, it becomes awkwardly and quite painfully clear IT GOES HORRIFYINGLY COMMANDO UNDER IT'S CLOAKING DEVICES!!!! Ohhhhhhhhh, the HUMANITY!!!!!! IS THERE NO GOD?!?!?!?!"

Needless to say, I ripped that patch off faster than a two-packs-a-day smoker in the hellish throes of a killer nic-fit.

******************************************************************************

Gosh. It seems so cruel and unusual to leave this rant hanging at such a... precarious juncture. Cough.

Ohhhhh well, gotta go pick C.E. up from work, and trundle her off to her friend's house now! Don't want to be late! You know how it is, yeah?

*Snrk*

Be back later! (Will you??)

Muaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!



illusory past / endless present

Won't you be my neighbor? - Friday, Apr. 03, 2009
Buzzing the tower - Thursday, Apr. 02, 2009
It has to start somewhere. It has to start sometime.
What better place than here? What better time than now?
- Monday, Mar. 23, 2009
Crimes and Misdemeanors - Friday, Feb. 27, 2009
Rantus Interruptus - Saturday, Dec. 13, 2008

Return to Top




The Graces:

bathtubmary
beckers-j
bettyford
biodtl
casa-rosie
coldandgrey
dandydandy
dieselengine (Locked)
dragonwench
drbigbeef
dukkha-tanha (Locked)
erianne1
geekboy61
hissandtell
idiot-milk
im2evil4u
la-the-sage
leftunspoken
mom-on-roof
oldmaid
poolagirl
red-wine
smokefree-me
stepfordtart
techrat
vina-apsara
yellow-ninja


('Lil Dude, courtesy of the gracious Nakedbarista.)